I was sitting at my computer choosing my next three (3)Netflix® movies when Xrytspet appeared. She was sitting on top of our television cabinet eating a banana she had pilfered from the kitchen.
Hack Writer: Scram, Xrytspet!
Xrytspet: I see you spoofed the Times-News. I don't see why they did a biography on you. You are such a dullard. How could the Times-News think that you were serious about seeing Big Foot on the Snake River and looking for that ad you said you put in their paper looking for new members to join that fake exploration society of your to help you watch for Big Foot. I saw Phontos at a garage sale in Miami the other day and told him about it. He thought that was very funny.
Hack Writer: My organization is not fake. We keep our eye on Phontos, the Last Chican. So, I didn't place the ad. That is poetic license.
Xrytspet: Some poem you wrote for Christmas. What does it mean?
Hack Writer: It means that the military has women with children serving in Iraq and Afghanistan that should be home with their children. The kid's letter to Santa wants him to bring her mother home. It also means for you to keep your nose out of my computer.
Xrytspet: I can go get her!
Hack Writer: There is no specific her. It's just a poem. Let me read it to you:
A Child's Prayer
Santa, Please Bring Mommy Home
by Taylor Jones
Dear, Santa, please hear my words this day, At Christmas our mother is far away. She is off to war with the National Guard- I play alone in my back yard With little Bill and Mary Jane; They cry at night as if in pain For they want our mommy And I do too. Please Santa see what you can do To bring our mommy home.
We pray at night with our daddy That Mommy will be protected- That she will come home- That she will be safe and no longer roam To far off lands across the sea. Please Santa, will you help me And bring our mommy home?
I see a tear in Daddy's eye. I hear our grandma give a sigh Because of grief, Because of us-. We three kids are such a fuss- Adding more silver to Grandma's hair Because are mommy is not here. Santa, can you bring our mommy home?
Daddy says you are magical. My wish is more practical: Just bring our mommy home in your big sleigh And tell her never to go away To fight a war in foreign lands. Please, Santa, bring our mommy home.
Xrytspet: I get it! Bad poetry, but I get it.
Hack Writer: When you steal a banana, don't take the old brown ones. Take a green one. Give me that peel. Oh, I should have known. You are saving it for dessert.
Xrytspet: Whoops! I hurt your feelings again. You've got to get rid of your humanoid feelings. I like my bananas ripe, as ripe as I can get them.
Hack Writer: That is the problem. Pat is going to wonder what happened to her ripe banana. She knows I won't eat them that way. If I say, "Xrytspet ate it! She is going to say I'm nuts.
Xrytspet: True!
Hack Writer: Go away!
Xrytspet: "I've got some great news for you."
The next thing I knew I was in the FnL7 Time Craft shooting pass Jupiter.
Hack Writer: That must be the new red spot.
Xrytspet: Right. Almost as big as your puny Earth.
Hack Writer: So?
Xrytspet: Here we are. Triton.
Hack Writer: And?
Xrytspet: Can't you see it?
Hack Writer: See what? Isn't that just some of NASA's orbiting space junk?
Xrytspet: Here's a closer look.
Hack Writer: Wow! A space ship. What in the?
Xrytspet: It's from Seeablee in G19000299992999. It's trapped!
Hack Writer: What do you mean, trapped? If we get any closer it will blast out of here.
Xrytspet: Want to look inside?
Hack Writer: Is it safe?
In a flash we were inside.
Xrytspet: It's been here since the dinosaurs roamed the earth. They studied the dinosaurs but got trapped in orbit when they were leaving the solar system. They wanted to take a look at Triton but they had a problem with the spaceship and could not leave Neptune's orbit. They had no choice but to beam down to Triton. That's where they live.
Hack Writer: What's that?
Xrytspet: It is a record of the voyage. See, here are what the dinosaurs looked like before the Fuppftenoians from G2888994444 destroyed them?
Hack Writer: My goodness! That is a lot of poop just like in Jurassic Park. I thought a big rock from space killed them.
Xrytspet: True. But that object was knocked out of the asteroid belt when the Fuppftenoians nudged another asteroid into it.
Hack Writer: So you have been reading
Xrytspet: Not really.
Hack Writer: Writing it? Can't you help the folks from Seeablee get this ship running again?
Xrytspet: It is running. It was repaired eons ago. That is why I'm here.
Hack Writer: What?
Xrytspet: I'm going to send it into the sun.
Hack Writer: Why? Don't you know that NASA would love to have this baby?
Xrytspet: Yes! But the military would grab it and use it to kill everything in site. It has to be destroyed. I've been ordered to destroy it and that is exactly what I will do.
Hack Writer: Are you going to strand the folks from Seeablee in G19000299992999?
Xrytspet: What folks? They have evolved into sea monsters. They could care less. Besides, there is no longer life in G19000299992999. You can't imagine what happens when galaxies collide.
Hack Writer: I thought they just sort of meshed together.
Xrytspet sent the spaceship reeling into the sun. When its fuel went off, it left a sunspot the size of Texas which was duly noted by the United States Navy:
"We have an anomaly, Sir."
The End
copyright©2007 John T. Jones, Ph.D. (Taylor Jones the Hack Writer)
John T. Jones, Ph.D. (tjbooks@hotmail.com, a retired college professor and business executive, is author of detective & western novels, nonfiction (business, scientific, engineering, humor), poetry, etc. Former editor of an international engineering magazine. Jones writes on many subjects including articles for teenagers. When he writes science fiction or humor articles he calls himself "Taylor Jones, the Hack Writer." He will sell you a TopFlight telescoping flagpole at his business site.
More info: http://www.tjbooks.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=John_T_Jones,_Ph.D.
No comments:
Post a Comment